I am one of those parents who tries to very politely request “no gifts” at my kids birthday parties. For some guests, there is a lot of convincing required to let this sink in but once you know how to do it, it is easy.
No gifts means DO NOT BRING ANY GIFTS! This request is made by the host because they want to be in control of the physical items that they have their home. There are many reasons – they have too much already, they don’t want packaging, they are particular and don’t want to return anything and so on.
Days of forced gift giving are over because it is no longer politically correct. Whether you are the host or the guest, it will help to understand this important party trend. Keep reading to find out all you need to know about “no gifts please”.
Why Hosts Request “No Gifts”
There are many different types of parties. Birthday parties, weddings, anniversaries, holiday parties. Traditionally, gift giving was a huge part of the birthday and wedding. Many people even feel obliged to bring a host gift for any type of party.
Although it is a nice thought, often gifts are awkward and unwanted. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received gifts and wished I hadn’t – more often than not. I might be unusual in this respect but I am not alone.
I’ve looked it up, there are many reasons people do not want gifts when they host a party.
Too Much Stuff
They have too much stuff already. You don’t have to be a minimalist to dislike bringing more things into your home. This is especially the case with kids birthday parties. Parents get tired of picking up after their kids throughout the year. The thought of getting more toys and books and games can be stressful.
Studies have proven that children do better with less toys, crafts and general stuff. They are calmer, more creative and happier. When children have too many toys they will take less care of them and not value them as much. It is less likely that they will play with any of them if there is too much choice.
Kids with less toys learn to have a longer attention span. They are not tempted to quickly move from one thing to the next because the stress of choice is less.
Less toys makes space for books and music and art. I’m not talking about those art projects that come in a package where you simply assemble what has been pre-designed. I mean creating art from scratch, from an idea, a vision with materials they go looking for.
And all of the above applies to adults as well. Less stuff (minimalism) has been proven to create more time and freedom to do things that you enjoy while valuing the things that you own.
No Packaging or Gift Wrap
Many people do not want gifts because they do not want any packaging or gift wrap. For people that try to live a zero waste lifestyle, if is difficult to receive something that is wrapped in single use paper (traditional gift wrap).
Even though paper gift wrap can be recycled, some zero wasters don’t even have recycling service any longer because they don’t acquire packaging. There is much energy involved in producing and recycling which outweighs any delight from receiving a beautifully wrapped gift for most people.
Many people are taking steps to reduce their carbon footprint. Accumulating stuff that has packaging or will need to be disposed of does not help.
Particular About Products
You might not realize this but many people are very particular about the products they buy.
Some people research products and read reviews and select based on their specific taste and needs. When someone like this receives a gift, they can’t help but wonder what the reviews are and whether they should exchange it for something different. They might want the better quality version or the lighter one or the one their friend has.
Or they might be particular about having only organic, ethically sourced or local products. These would probably be the same people as the above “no packaging or gift wrap” so they have multiple reasons for not wanting gifts.
Whatever the reason, we must respect those people that simply like to buy themselves their own things. No Gifts is a good way to do this.
General Anxiety About Liking the Gift
I grew up in the eighties when more stuff was better. We had these birthday parties with 20 kids – all of whom brought large gifts. Part of the birthday party was spent opening these gifts in front of the whole group.
I hated that.
I also hated watching other people open a giant pile of gifts because I felt really worried they might not like something and wouldn’t know how to handle that.
I didn’t know how to react even when I liked the gift. I didn’t have time to take in each gift and consider how cool it was. It was all too much. Usually at the end of every birthday I ended up having a little breakdown because I was overwhelmed.
After my birthday, I spent days in a cluttered pile in my room trying to make sense of the “generosity” of my friends. There was a certain amount of guilt and it wasn’t because I didn’t give good gifts because my mom was one of the best gift givers. It was because of the amount of stuff I now had. It took a while to process it all.
Gift Giving is Stressful
And for some, like me, it is stressful to give gifts so I don’t like receiving them. When I send my kids to a “normal” party, I usually send cash. I know this is regarded as unthoughtful but it is far from that. I do a lot of thinking about what I should get the birthday person.
I consider actual items and then worry they already have them or won’t like them. I consider gift cards but then remember the stack of gift card I have that I keep forgetting to use or get lost. I consider flowers for a host gift but then think about the toxicity of the fresh flower industry.
I always end up with cash as the best way for that person to buy what they want to buy or to have the experience they want to have. But that is lame so I think we should just change the tradition to remove gifts from parties.
How Can We Show Appreciation Without A Gift
There are many ways to show appreciation for that special birthday person. When you are invited to a party that requested “no gifts” OR even if they don’t request that, these are the best ways to show your appreciation:
- Schedule a time to take them for an adventure together (could be a hike or a movie or a beach day)
- Offer to help out at the party
- Make a donation in their name to a charity
- Write an email or make a card that has a heartfelt message. Tell them how much you enjoy their company and the reasons they are great.
- Bake or cook them something special
- Arrive on time for their party and let them know you are excited to be included
- Be grateful and give a big hug
Convinced? How Do You Politely Write “No Gifts Please”
Since this request is not quite mainstream yet, it is still a little awkward to write “no gifts please”. But I tell you, when i see that on an invitation I think to myself “Score!”.
Here are a few common phrases that can be used
- no presents, just your presence
- bring only your company and your appetite
- your good wishes are all the gifts we wish to receive
- she has so much stuff already, please don’t bring her anything
- empty hands and open arms
- no presents please, just come and have fun
I should note it is generally considered rude to ask for donations so don’t do that!
And if you want to get very picky about it, the phrase should be written with a comma like this “No gift, please”.
Featured Image thanks to unsplash-logo Claudia van Zyl
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